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i think…
i’m just as far in as i’ll ever be out.
she feels so close now, yet she’s so far away. oh she’s far away.
i know she’s so far away.
yet, sometimes i feel…
like i smelled her in the winds lately.
her scent, one i cannot forget, was in the air.
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pardon me…
i’m just waiting for my real life to begin.
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friends.. i’m moving to a new blog.
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http://youppe.wordpress.com
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but by no means this blog will be closed. since i figured that this blog is basically the same ol’ whine about the same ol’ thing, then maybe i’ll just restrict this blog just for that.
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do visit me at my new place.
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this is a reply to Julie, who commented in the previous post. because it’s too long i decided to post this as a new blog entry (since i haven’t updated in a long time)
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helo.. sorry for the long absence, quite busy with work
& other stuff right now. well, glad you liked my writing. just a piece of
my mind.
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"she"? well, i’ve always stressed (curious ppl
always asked) that "she" is not important. it doesn’t matter who
"she" is. what matters is the lesson taught and learned. is it the
truth? to the best of my knowledge, for sure. but a little cooked up with
immaturity, anger, frustation, etc., i admit. and like any other issues, (including
the global ones like peak oil, global warming, etc), there’s always two sides
of a story. so don’t judge "her" based on my writing, that was never
my intention in the first place. (i would’ve put in her name for value if my
intention was just to humiliate her). the stories were just put up simply to
illustrate a situation we all could learn from. so again, "she" is
not important.
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for what it’s worth though… she is a friend. will always
be, for me. i don’t regard her as someone from the past, because frankly, she
never vanished. from my life, at least. in fact, she’s here & now, like a
ghost. a good ghost, though. because she reminds me of the boy i once was, and
how far i’ve come to be the man i am today. she reminds me of the strength i
needed to grow up. she reminds me of innocence, determination, will & courage
to change, and God. she’s there in my "burden of knowledge". she’s in
every good thing i’ve achieved, and will achieve. she really is… something
else.
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me and her, is just a very bad case of wrong timing. me and
her, we were caught in a difficult situation far exceeded our age &
maturity. we were boy & girl. i’ve always wondered what it would be like if
we were to meet at a later time, in another situation. at a time when we were
both older and wiser, and have found
maturity through lessons of life. in a situation where we are man and woman.
i’ve always wondered how it would be to start over, to just go back to the beginning of all
things. would it turn out to be the same? or would it be a fairytale?
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that’s the reason she’s still here. as ghost, haunting me.
the regret. for not being able to return the strength, joy & inspiration
she has given to me. the guilt. of hurting her, time and time again. for
breaking her heart, time and time again. more than anything, i craved for a
chance to make things right, even only as friends. more than anything, even if
i won’t admit it and pretend to move on. until then, i think the ghost of her
will always be in the air that i breath.
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when i browsed back through the archives, i realized that
this blog is all about her. it’s a tome of her. of ‘our’ story. of immaturity,
regret, and failed dreams.
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this is a real-life version of a fairytale. it’s the story of my life.
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ps..
one thing that i could tell you for sure is that, there is
no such thing as coincidence. coincidence doesn’t exist. it’s just a concept,
thought of by coward men who can’t handle the truth. it’s just a made-up
reason, so they don’t have to acknowledge something that cut through their
heart. so they can dismiss something as ‘just coincidence’, when they know in
their hearts, it happens for a reason. everything happens for a reason. the
days, the nights, the little things, the sickness, the joy, the pain.. no one
single thing in this world serves no purpose. it’s the LAW OF THE UNIVERSE, as
God had set it to be. the only problem with us mere mortals, is that we don’t
know EXACTLY what the reason is for something. we can think of many reason for
something, but only God knows the exact reason for it. even the apparent,
obvious ones, do we really know what is God’s intention behind it? so my
friends, please don’t just dismiss something as ‘just coincidence’. it sounds
so unintelligent and bland.
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sorry, i’ve deleted some older posts that i think should not
be written in the first place.
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check out the new links i put up in here (on the left side)
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what hurts the most
was being so close
and having so much to say
and watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could’ve been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was trying to do
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if i had known the last time i saw you would be the last time,
i would’ve stopped to memorize your face, the way you move, everything about you…
if i had known the last time i kissed you would be the last time,
i never would’ve stopped.
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.. how the girls could turn to ghosts before your eyes?
and the very dream that led to them,
are keeping them from dying…
and how the grace with which she walked into your life?
stay with you in your steps,
paced with you a while,
for so long, so long…
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SO LONG, SO LONG.
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where are you now?
as i’m swimming through the stereo,
i’m writing you a symphony of sound..
where are you now?
as i rearrange these songs together,
this mix could burn a hole in anyone,
but it’s you i’m thinking about..
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it’s times like these.. that i wish you were still here.. your tiny little voice.. always music to my ear.. the peace and strength it brings.. like a breeze blowing through my heart.. never fail, every time.. and it’s times like these.. that i would realize how much i miss it.. because for so long.. it’s all i ever need.. in times like these..
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times like these.. always leave me hopelessly waiting.. as i will always be..
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wish it was easy.
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.. there’s always that time in your life, when you wish you could go back to the start and redid everything. and that another chance, is always too much to ask for..
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tell me, Kurumi
What do you see looking at this city
How do I look to you now?
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tell me, Kurumi
When I start to hear the sarcasm in someone’s kindness
What am I to do?
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tell me, Kurumi
If time will eventually wash it all away
then life must be a simple affair
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tell me, Kurumi
since then I haven’t cried once
but, neither have I had many good laughs
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- kurumi - mr. children
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