STARCROSSED

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you’re the echoes of my everything

you’re the emptiness the whole world sings at night

you’re the laziness of afternoons

you’re the reason why i burst and why i bloom

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you’re the leaky sink of sentiment

you’re the failed attempts i never could forget

you’re the metaphors i can’t create

to comprehend this curse that i call love…

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how will i break the news to you?

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i remember you,

when you came to me upon the door,

dancing, laughing, and smiling,

as if you were meant to come here,

and consume me..

and take me away from the endless darkness of this room..

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i remember you,

your delicate voice,

and your wonderful, fragile soul,

as i sometimes forget how blessed i am,

to have an angel in my life,

and how cursed i am,

to throw it all away..

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yp

needless fears… sometimes it’s what hold us back from doing the right thing…

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IT’S SO EASY TO SAY

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it’s so easy to say..

when you’re the one who’s doing the hurting,

it’s so easy to say..

when you couldn’t care less about other people’s feelings,

it’s so easy to say..

when you give excuses for being arrogant,

it’s so easy to say..

when you’re not the one who couldn’t sleep at night,

it’s so easy to say..

when you think you are perfect,

it’s so easy to say..

when you INTENTIONALLY say hurtful words to break people’s heart,

it’s so easy to say..

when you’re so proud, and just throw the gift away,

it’s so easy to say..

when all you could do are running away and be silent,

it’s so easy to say..

when you’re happy with your friends, while other people are walking with the misery you caused,

it’s so easy to say..

when you expect perfection and couldn’t accept human mistakes,

it’s so easy to say..

when you could just judge people without thinking they could, and will try, to change,

it’s so easy to say..

when you could just delete and END years worth of friendship,

it’s so easy to say..

when you couldn’t appreciate even a bit, the people who holds you very dearly in their life,

it’s so easy to say..

when you don’t even want to try,

it’s so easy to say..

when you didn’t even mean your apologies,

IT’S SO EASY TO SAY..

WHEN YOU’RE NOT THE ONE TRYING TO LIVE WITH IT,

WHEN YOU DON’T HAVE EVEN THE SLIGHTEST IDEA,

OF HOW MUCH PAIN AND MISERY YOU’VE CAUSED TO PEOPLE WHO CARED, AND NEVER FAIL TO CHERISH YOUR EXISTENCE IN THEIR LIFE..

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IT’S SO EASY TO SAY.

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do you know that if you hurt someone intentionally (make his life miserable), God will not forgive you until you apologized and make good.. and its not even a month yet since raya.. sometimes i wonder what raya means to some people.. what ’selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin’ mean.. do they really ask for forgiveness, or just playing with someone’s heart?.. because its no point asking for forgiveness if you dont mean it.. just let the person dont forgive you until he dies.. sometimes i wonder why some people are just so hard to satisfy.. everything you do is not up to her standards.. and you would just end up getting hurt by her words and actions.. at first i thought this raya would be good, and it sure did at first, but now its turning to the worst raya ive had.. ive managed to make good my relationships with some friends.. but there is also individuals who are just so.. hurtful.. so hard to satisfy (said that already i guess).. well some people in the world are just cruel and like to hurt other people, but i dont imagine it would be someone who looks to be very nice and polite on the outside.. always talk about islam, always posts bulletins and blogs about islam, hadiths etc.. which also makes me wonder (along with some other people) does she really know what she was posting or just doing it for other people to say good things about her?.. i dont usually posts things like these (the last one is about straylight run i guess ahah) but i still know how to be good to other people……. well.. think i better quit ahaha.. God know how much i apologized, how i tried to mend things over, and God know how much it hurts.. only God know how much it hurts..

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well its been a while since i last wrote.. been busy.. have some projects with my friends (its holiday you can do what you want).. and last week (and the following weeks) i just dont have the best feelings.. before i go just a thought….. me myself, i like words. words could do million things, could invoke million feelings.. but someone reminded me, and i kept reminding myself, that words, are just words, and it is nothing without action.. words, are meaningless at best, when you dont have the conscience and guts to do it for yourslef and for others.

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chow!!

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BECAUSE SHE WOULD ASK ME WHY I LOVED HER

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if questioning would make us wise,

no eyes would ever gaze in eyes,

if all our tale were told in speech,

no mouth would wander each to each..

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were spirits free from mortal mesh,

and love not bound in hearts of flesh,

no aching breasts would yearn to meet,

and found their ecstacy complete..

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for who is there that lives and knows,

the secret powers by which he grows,

were knowledge all, what were our need,

to thrill and faint and sweetly bleed..

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then seek not, sweetheart, the ‘If’ and ‘Why’,

i love you now until i die,

for i must love because i live,

and life in me is what you give.

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THERE’S NOTHING LEFT TO PROVE,

THERE’S NOTHING I WON’T DO,

THERE’S NOTHING LIKE THE PAIN,

I FEEL FOR YOU.

well… it’s been a while since i write.. not that i have nothing.. actually i do plan to write.. about rossu’s night at music addict 2005, about the QS’s football team run to the final, and put some more of my writings.. but well, it’s the end of the semester, and the works are piling.. its the most work we had in a semester i guess.. phew, i can’t believe i just said that i don’t have time because of work.. now that’s something new.. and something good i guess.. ahaha.. 2-0.. the halftime score between the dutch and the czech before i went here.. van der vaart and opdam scored.. and chelsea, who can stop them?.. even henry is leaving.. uhuhu.. tomorrow we have a family gathering.. aunts and uncles around kl will come to my house for buka puasa.. but i have post-contract meeting at kaed at 2 pm.. and on monday we’re having construction procurement seminar.. fuh.. abe asked if i could help for final submission.. of course i would, just tell me ok?.. mm.. ahaha just blabblering about.. steal some time.. much is happening at this time, and have a lot in my mind.. well.. i guess.. i just missed her a lot.. ahaha, yeah.. i missed her… i missed every sound she make, i missed her asking me about words she didn’t understand.. ahaha…. ……. its been a year.. feels like forever for me.. funny isn’t it, how these things work?.. stupid, absurd, irrational.. call what u like, but still you can’t get away from it.. sometimes you feel like the stupidest person in the world, but still when waiting (and being hopeful) is all you can do, you would still do it.. some say it’s a pity that things like these could not be measured.. but i guess it’s just another of God’s test for us to look out for.. for us to find out, right?.. wish she knew just how much her every word, her every move meant to me… well i guess i better stop before i spend all night writing about the same thing ahahha…

watched this excellent video, FIX YOU by Colplay.. a great song by a great band.. and the lyrics.. just eats me up inside ahaha.. till next time..

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FIX YOU

When you try your best but you don’t succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep
Stuck in reverse ..
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And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can’t replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
could it be worse? ..
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Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you ..

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And high up above or down below
When you’re too in love to let it go
But if you never try you’ll never know
Just what you’re worth ..

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Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you ..

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Tears stream down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I ..

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Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I..

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Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

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my heart is dead

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forgive me,

for every feelings i hide,

for my heart has bled too much..

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forgive me,

for every flowers left unsent,

for every poems left unread,

for every drawings left unsketched,

for every pictures left unpaint,

for every minute left unspent,

for every words left unsaid..

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forgive me,

FOR MY HEART IS DEAD.

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youppe

*hopefully when it’s healed (cewah!!), i didnt miss anything, bcos i know i would regret my whole life if i do.
(just what the hell i’m talking about?)

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THERE’S A STAR

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there’s a star,

once came down upon my cloudless sky,

and illuminated my seasons of starless nights…

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there’s a star,

that breathed life into my swollen empty heart,

and shook me up from my endless dreams of life..

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there’s a star,

with such unparalleled grace,

once shone a path when all sense of direction was lost,

when I’m tangled up in all these confusing darkness,

I’ve seen how crooked and weary my roads have been,

I’ve felt how pretentious and stale my feelings have become,

I’ve watched it all free-falling, and went down..

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there’s a star,

that swept all my carelessness away,

and put purpose in my steps,

so I know where I’m heading, and won’t falter again..

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there’s a star,

that gave the happiest of joys and the saddest of sorrows,

and to which I’ve bared all of my heart,

and all of my soul..

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tonight I wonder,

as I gaze upon the starry sky,

on how my life would’ve been,

if the star never came down,

on where would I be heading right now,

if God never crossed our paths,

on just how lucky and humbled I am,

to feel Heaven and its Angel this close to me..

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and however far away,

and whatever hurtful words I might say,

i know there’s always one star that outshone the others,

and could never, ever be replaced,

and I know these feelings won’t change a bit,

until my journey comes to its eventual end..

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there’s a star,

and everytime I think of how it all began,

i wonder, with hopelessness,

on how all of these,

would finally end..

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youppe

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well, just a little something i made, round about last year i guess. planned to give it to someone on birthday, but i have no time to finish it, due to so much work (mase tgh amik multidip).. so i just gave gift & card.. n planned to finish it for next year’s birthday.. BUT (ahaha)… i think this time around i dont have the same oppurtunity to give this piece of writing (and i dont even know what happend to the gift).. so.. think i’ll just put it here..

moreover someone asked me, why dont i put my own writings (poems or lyrics) as i do write quite a number of those… well, here is one.. the others, tgkla kalau ade mase (tapi rase mcm malas aje nak taruk for public ahaha)..

check out faqroul’s blog (nanti taruk link) for some excellent poem made by himself..

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THIS IS THE CRAZE ONLY WE CAN BESTOW,

THIS IS THE PRICE WE PAY FOR LOST OF CONTROL,

THIS IS THE BREAK IN THE BATTLE,

THIS IS THE CLOSEST OF CALLS,

THIS IS THE REASON YOU’RE ALONE,

THIS IS THE REASON YOU FALL.

check out this post titled ‘plain stupid…’, at stretch2thefullest.blogspot.com. deep, full of killer quotes, and written with exceptional skills. wish i had the time to write more in this blog, to write stuffs in my head. i like writing, just dont have the time. ko cuti stretch, lain la!! nyways, this is a reply to your post, just an extension to what i said in the car hari tu, but i hope it helps la. chow bro!!

and also, check out acai and mache’s blogs, you’ll find the link at stretch’s page.

Comment:

mmm… giler byk quote ko yg best str ahahha!! ko mmg dewa ayat la… papehal pon, in my opinion la… is it worth it, all the time and troubles, having someone, just for the sake of having someone, just like everybody else?(ahaha paham ke ni, aku harap ko paham la).for me these things, we cant look for it. we cant go and find it. it could work, but it wont be as meaningful as you’d hope. these things come to you, just out of the blue, when u least expect it. it just came. n then you would really know what ‘falling in love’ means. and we always have friends, lots of them. we’re never lonely. dont look for it, man. just wait.